flowers of Peace

photo from AnnVoskamp

Let Me infuse My Peace into your innermost being. As you sit quietly in the Light of My Presence, you can sense Peace growing within you. This is not something that you accomplish through self-discipline and willpower; it is opening yourself to receive My blessing.

In this age of independence, people find it hard to acknowledge their neediness. However, I have taken you along a path that has highlighted your need for Me: placing you in situations where your strengths were irrelevant and your weaknesses were glaringly evident. Through the aridity of those desert marches, I have drawn you closer and closer to Myself. You have discovered flowers of Peace blossoming in the most desolate places.You have learned to thank Me for hard times and difficult journeys, trusting that through them I accomplish My best work. You have realized that needing Me is the key to knowing Me intimately, which is the gift above all gifts.

~Jesus Calling

Even as a little girl, I’ve had a penchant for flowers, all kinds of flowers.  From little flowers growing wild, clusters of Ligustrum flowers attracting the honey bees, roses growing in my mother’s garden, verbenas used for Barbie doll bouquets, I loved the beauty of flowers.  From the flowering weeds collected by the hand of my young baseball player given to Mom in the stands,  to the broken off magnolia bloom brought in by the toothless grin of the little blonde-headed daughter, and the Mason jar full of Texas bluebonnets and Indian paintbrush gathered by the oldest on a walk with Granddaddy, to the store-bought bouquets and gifted flowers randomly given by teenagers – all are precious memories, gifts given from the hearts.  In looking back, I now see these as little joys divinely given to me in a desert season of life.

So when reading today’s devotion from Jesus Calling, I am deeply reminded of how His Peace has infused my life.  I’m reminded of how when I am weak, He is strong.  When life seemed bleak and lonely, I have never been alone. Even in times of financial despair, on the brink of losing everything, He never let me fall.  The enemy continually whispered the lies of there is no hope, there is no way out. Even though the thread was mighty thin, He always provided just enough in the hard times.

 I am so very thankful for these times of difficulty, as I learn to lean in and trust.  I’ve learned to not run away and hide in the desert, but to look for Him in the most desolate places.

In times of desolation, He has given me flowers of Peace.

And today, flowers – whether randomly given by my sweet man or simply seen along my way – are my way of counting gifts of Joy and Peace and Thanksgiving!

Reminders that He is the gift of all gifts.

The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters will never fail.  
Isaiah 58:11

peace beyond understanding

photo from Ann Voskamp ~ a holy experience

 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4: 6-7

Shalom – Hebrew for Peace.
A study of Hebrew words reveals meaning beyond their spoken pronunciation. Each Hebrew word conveys feeling, intent and emotion.
Shalom is more than just simply peace.
It is complete Peace – contentment, completeness, wholeness, well-being and harmony.

The Shalom that can only come from Him who created and put all things into place.

Experiencing this peace – this Shalom – came this past weekend.  It was more than just the intimate, serene outdoor wedding setting.  Even more than the beautiful sun-filled, blue skies that filled the Austin Hill Country.  Yes, it was even more than friends and family that gathered to share in the Joy of the joining of the oldest son, C and his bride as one in marriage.

This Shalom was the Peace that could only come from fervent prayers asking for the Peace of God that goes beyond my mind and heart’s understanding.  

During the weeks before the wedding, many nights of sleep were interrupted by a bad dream night after night. Only this wasn’t really a dream, it was like a movie replaying in my mind the deep wounds from venomous words and divisive actions at another such wedding scene eight years ago.  There was no Shalom.

Knowing that unlike at the beautiful wedding of daughter K a little more than a year ago, this time the wall of space and people would not be there to protect the Joy my heart desired for this occasion.  With each replaying of this late night “movie,” an overwhelming sense of unrest would stir in my heart because I did not want anything to take the Joy away from this wedding day either.

In the dark of those nights, I would call out in my heart to my Abba Father, Yahweh.  His Peace was always present with me there in the dark, night after night after night.  And peaceful sleep would soon return.

Each morning after, I would wake wondering,
Was this some sort of spiritual attack? 
A portent of possible pending drama? 
Something designed to take the joy from this time?

Sharing these thoughts with my dear friend L, the weeks and days before the wedding found us praying together.  We prayed for Peace that would transcend, that would eclipse, that would go so far beyond what my mind and heart could understand.  We prayed for that Complete Peace, His Shalom.

Last Saturday, the big day had finally arrived!  The venue was absolutely serene.  Despite earlier reports of rain coming in with our first “big” cool front, the weather was beautiful.  Skies were blue and the sun was shining through the shadows of the massive oak trees.  There was even a herd of Longhorns nonchalantly greeting the guests as we drove through the ranch gates.  Was this the peace I had prayed for?  No.

As we were walking up the stone walk towards the early arriving family members and a few other guests, I heard a still, small voice say to me . . .

“The Peace you’ve prayed for is here, He goes before you.”

It was in that moment, I understood.  That movie that had been playing over and over in my head in the nights before had been a reminder to me that in the dark, in those uncertain times of my life, His Shalom, His Complete Peace has never been absent from me. 

Now instead of those anxious thoughts, an overwhelming sense of Peace washed over me – the assurance His Presence walks every step of the way with me.  I have that Peace that surpassed all my understanding.  The Prince of Peace is guarding my mind and my heart!

best friend

“Friendship is a deep oneness that develops when two people,
speaking the truth in love to one another,
journey together to the same horizon.”
Tim Keller~ The Meaning of Marriage

I was blessed to marry my best friend!!  Divine Appointment definitely brought us here.

What a joy to daily share that deep Oneness with my best friend as he leads us on this journey.  This is our shared adventure as we diligently help each other know, love, serve, and reflect God in deeper and deeper ways.

Our adventure is teaching us what it means to fall in love.

We look at the other person and get a glimpse of what God is creating.

To say, “I see who God is making you, and it excites me!

I want to be part of that!  I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to His throne.

And when we get there. . .

I will look at your magnificence and say, “I always knew you could be like this.

I got glimpses of it on earth, but now look at you!”
[Keller].

you can’t cut heart strings

 

print by Jen Studio JRU

You can cut umbilical cords but you can’t cut heart-strings.

earlier this week i read a post by Ann Voskamp and it struck a cord. . . mother’s day . . . a day in my heart on the emotional roller coaster.  but as i read her words, my years of motherhood ran rampantly through my memories.  so true, the umbilical cords are cut, but no matter what comes this mother’s heart-strings can never be cut.

*******************

Because God needed someone to love the least and the little into real whole people, and He knew that to love is to suffer so God made a mother.

God had said –

I need someone to get up at midnight and scoop the most fragile of humanity close to her warmth and rock though she can hardly stand and nourish though she’s mostly sleep-starved and change the diaper and the sheets and the leaked on, leaked through, and leaked down clothes though she’ll have to change them in the morning and next week and that won’t change for years.

So God made a Mother.

That God had said I need somebody with a strong heart.

Strong enough for toddler tantrums and teenage testing, yet broken enough to fall on her knees and pray, pray, pray.

Somebody who would run for the catch, jump on a trampoline and play one fierce game of soccer and not give a thought to all those labors and her weak pelvic floor. Somebody who’d stay up late with a science project that never ends, who’d get up early for the game in the rain, somebody who’d wave at the door until the tail lights were out of sight and still be smiling brave.

So God made a mother.

It had to be somebody willing to keep loving when it made no sense because that’s what love does. 

Somebody willing to feed and lead, lay down her life and pick up her cross, give of her time because they have her heart. Someone who knows that we all blow it — and what matters is what we then do after.

Someone who could humble herself into the tender sorry that covers a multitude of sins.

Someone who would live like a Giving Tree — who would give grace, give life, and give thanks—  eucharisteo:  the giving thanks for every grace that gives back always joy.

Someone who would stand in the mess and the midst and give thanks anyways — because eucharisteo always, always, precedes the miracle of discovering that the Giver Himself is always, always more than enough.

Someone who would live it a thousand times: Give thanks — and discover that the Giver Himself is the Gift and He alone is always, always enough.

Someone who would pour out and bend down and surrender not only to the physical pain of childbirth but the far deeper, unending heart pain of letting go, letting go, letting go –  from the womb, from the arms, from the front door.

Someone who would know that umbilical cords can be cut — but heart-strings never can.

************

thank you Ann for touching this mother’s heart, bringing a smile amidst the tears.  i’m so glad He made me a mother!            

 

a place I didn’t want to go

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray thee, Lord, my soul to keep.
See me safely through the night and
wake me with the morning light.

As a little girl, one of my early memories of praying was kneeling beside my bed {and yes, that is the very picture that hung above my bed!} every night with either Mom or Dad right by my side and saying the words of the little prayer above, and then Mom and Dad would then lead me to pray from my little heart.  And as my own kids came along, I shared this same experience with them.  These memories flooded my heart a few days ago as I turned the page in my Prayers for Prodigals.  The title of the next prayer read “If I Should Die before She {He} Wakes (I pray the Lord her {his} soul to take)” brought me to a place I didn’t want to go.  But Faith said – “go”. . .

“Father, I want so much to see my {son} come {back} to you.  But what if it takes longer than my lifetime?”

yes, I know Lord, this is going to be a war and it’s not going to be easy.  I know it’s all in Your time.  The stronghold the enemy has on my Prodigal is on the move. I keep saying to myself, “you can run, but you can’t hide.”  No, I know we can never hide from our Abba Father.

“I will still live by faith and welcome Your answer to my prayers from a distance . . . Because You hold our prayers in Your heart, You can even add years to them that exceed our lives on earth.  I come to You in faith for my precious {Son}.
Even if {he} doesn’t come {back} to You during my time on earth, I praise You that You will still be at work to answer my prayers for {his redemption and  restoration }.
How I long to see {his} soul awaken to You. To life abundant!
Call {him} out of sin’s deadly payback, into the kindness You have ‘prepared for those who love’ you.
If I should die before {he} wakes, let me be standing near when You say to {him} in Heaven, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant … Oh may {his} life be lived for the praise of your Glory.”

. . . the reality of the how the enemy wants to disrupt and diminish my prayers brought me in faith to read these words, to pray these words for my own Prodigal.  I offer these words in faith, with hope and love.

“All these people were still living by faith when they died.  They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance.”
Hebrews 11:13

beyond a shadow of doubt

As the Kids were growing up, in fact even to this day as “Grown-up Kids,” I’ve had the privilege of watching my mom and dad {aka Granna and Granddaddy} lovingly look at each of them with eyes of His Love.  I have heard their prayers poured out over each one of them, individually and collectively.  As only godly grandparents do. . . through His Love.

I often wonder, do they realize how they have been prayed for and continue to be prayed for each and every day? Are they aware, do they know the words of love/of concern/of joy/of angst that have been poured out? How the words, these prayers GO WITH him/her each and every day, every where they go?   What an example of how the Holy Spirit loves us, how Jesus loves us, how our Abba Father loves us.

Now it’s my turn . . . 

A couple of weeks ago, we took an extra long weekend . . . {played hooky}. . .

. . .spent some time with our Sweet R and her daddy {CP} at the State Fair of Texas in Big D! The weather was great and there were no big crowds {like last year when we went on Saturday!},

there were games to play,

and animals to see and feed,

and of course, the big attraction – the ferris wheel!

It was a day full of fun and full of memories… and yes, I found myself looking at Sweet R with those same eyes I saw/see in Granna and Granddaddy!

But the highlight of the day, {the etching on my heart, in my memory that I carry with me} can’t be shown in pictures…

  At the end of the day, as we were on our way back to the car that precious face, with those sweet eyes looked into my eyes and said,

“Nana, will you be my best friend?”
“Of course, Sweet R, I will be your best friend.”
“Always? Always?“
“Oh YES, I will ALWAYS, ALWAYS be your best friend!”

Oh what a reminder to me from that little four-year old.  Beyond a shadow of a doubt prayers surround you~Sweet R, CP, CL, and Daughter (and our New Son-AL) every day.

It’s the privilege of a parent, a grandparent, a great-grandparent. 

blameless, not faultless

What a precious reminder of a sweet note written by the Daughter, nearly 20 years ago…

I keep this little note written with much love and concentrated effort, framed to remind me every day of the seeds that were planted in the hearts of my children from the day I gave birth to each of them.  They were each prayed for even before they were born.

Looking at the handwriting of my little first-grader, the little “faults“- the little “mistakes” – are part of her, but I don’t focus on them because I know her heart, the heart GOD gave her and delights in her.

I too, I have my faults.  I have those things in me that are my bents toward what the Enemy wants me to believe about myself.  But I pray my Children, my Sweet Man, and others, SEE my heart.  Despite the BIG mistakes and the little mistakes I have made in my life, I KNOW I have been given saving GRACE. I may not be FAULTLESS, but I am BLAMELESS.

“that you may become blameless and harmless children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain.”  ~ Philippians 2:15-16

new season

Saturday was such a special day for the family!  Not only did we welcome in the beginning of fall on September 22— a season that we don’t have much opportunity to fully appreciate it here, but so thankful for the days of cooler temperatures and a bit of change in the landscape — but Saturday was the day we welcomed into our family our new son-in-law, Son as we call him! The long-awaited, much anticipated day of Daughter’s wedding was ushered in by a little “cool front” earlier in the week and a gorgeous, beautiful sunny day!  It was a day of answered prayers, reuniting with family and friends, and most importantly seeing God  glorified in ways more than I ever imagined!  My heart overflows with joy to welcome in another new beginning, another new season in our family!  The counting of gifts continues .  .  .

“For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you and a future and a hope” ~ Jeremiah 29:11

Two little words . . .

One spirit and one flesh

“Gratitude is not only the memories of our heart; gratitude is a memory of God’s heart and to thank is to remember.”
One Thousand Gifts

Those three little words … “I love you…” are important in a marriage.  But there are two little words that aren’t said enough to each other …”Thank you…”

Thank you for being my best friend and my love.   Thank you for supporting me and encouraging me.  Thank you for leading me.  Thank you for being you!  And that’s just to name a few “thank you’s”  …   The more I express my gratitude, the closer I am drawn to the one I love.  The more I express my gratitude, the closer I am drawn to THE ONE.

Amazing what a simple thank you can do!

Learning to abide

An abiding life is a faith filled life

“and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.  I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died for nothing.”  ~ Galatians 2:20-21

(Click on Play Arrow to play song)

Here ~ Kari Jobe

Come and rest here
Come and lay your burdens down
Come and rest here
There is refuge for you now

You’ll find His peace
And know you’re not alone anymore
He is near
You’ll find His healing
You’re heart isn’t shattered anymore
He is here

Chorus:
Breathe in
Breathe out
You will
You will find Him here

I will rest in You

You will find Him
You will find Him here

Driving around in the busy, busy world I live in, the words to this song took me back to a special memory of being still, being quiet and letting the glory and beauty of Creation fill every inch of me.  I am reminded once again . . .

ABIDE.

The goal of abiding is not to better me, but for me to trust deeper.  My failures just might be God’s victory!